ADHD emotional outbursts

If you have ADD/ADHD, or you love someone who has it, then you are familiar firsthand how the emotions can be all over the place.While you may never be bored with your ever-changing emotional landscape, it also creates a tremendous amount of stress.

By nature, people with Add are born with a temperament that is often intense and very emotional.We react strongly to our environment, and often, weoverreact.On the other hand, when the emotions become so overwhelming that we can’t handle them, we may stuff them down.That doesn’t work either because eventually, that stuff comes out, and it usually isn’t pretty!

Your emotions are your emotions – they make up who you are.But there are ways to get a hold of them such that you manage them well while enjoying the human experience of feeling.

Examine your current methods of coping with emotions.Are you expressive about your feelings or do you keep them to yourself?If you don’t know your coping style, pay attention to your emotions and identify them as you feel them.Then watch how you respond to them.

Next, pay very close to your feelings of anger.Adults with ADD often have problems dealing with rage and anger.In fact, we can even become “addicted” to anger because it releases the “feel good” chemicals, neurotransmitters.

Just like that runner’s high you’ve heard about, we can get a “buzz” of good feeling.Some call it an adrenaline rush.Whatever you call it, your anger needs to be handled appropriately so that your expression of it will be productive, not destructive.

We ADDers have a tendency to be impulsive and sometimes, we miss those social cues that tell us to behave in certain ways.Thus we end up doing something silly, inappropriate, or just downright stupid!Our typical response to having done these things is to become defensive.

Instead, own up to it and move on.It’s much easier than trying to offer a plausible explanation for something you’ve done that didn’t make any sense!

Depending on how we dealt with our ADD as children, there’s a good likelihood that our self-esteem has taken major hits along the way.As adults, this can seriously affect our relationships with others as well as how we do just about everything.

If this is you, get busy building a new, more healthy self-esteem.Focus on your strengths.Be grateful for the “good stuff” there is to having ADD.

Many adults with ADD resort to medicating themselves with alcohol or drugs.They will tell you that these substances are the only ways they can “shut off” their brains and get their emotions to lessen.It simply is NOT true!

While you may feel a temporary escape for what you feel are uncontrollable feelings, the key word here is temporary.

The buzz or the high wears off, and typically, your emotions will feel even stronger and more unmanageable than before.Then you have to use more and more of the substance to get any relief.Don’t get caught in this trap because it is a hard one to dig yourself out of at some point.

ADD adults are prone to depression.If you combine the self-esteem issues, problems with managing emotions, and the energy it takes to keep your ADD brain under control, then you are a sitting duck for having depressive symptoms.

Therapy can really help with this as the depression brought on from ADD is typically one that responds well to talking about it and finding alternative ways to deal with your feelings.

ADD and your emotions do not have to ruin your life.You are merely going to have to do more work to keep things under control than the rest of the world.On the other hand, having ADD can be a good thing.

Instead of punishing yourself for the ways your ADD hurts you, try focusing on the good things ADD has brought into your life.We are way cooler than we give ourselves credit for! ADHDers are less able to identify how to respond to frustration and do not seem to be able to use coping strategies while being very emotional.

What the ADHD Brain wants

http://drellenlittman.com/ADHD_Brains.pdf

ADHD projects

Are you busy morning till night, and don’t have much to show for it? If so, make “tie the bow” your mantra. You are not finished wrapping a package until you tie the bow, and you aren’t done with a task until you’ve completed it, down to the last step. Mail thebill you just paid, don’t leave it on the kitchen counter. Fold and put away the laundry, don’t leave it in the basket.

Take note of each task you work on during the day and note your excuses for not tying the bow. Believe me, I know all of them. Here is how I dealt with five common ones:

Don’t have time to finish my project. If you can’t “tie the bow” because you ran out of time, add 15 minutes to your morning routine before leaving for work. To stay organized and keep track of time on the job, add in the same 15 minutes to finish up last-minute assignments and to gather items you will need to take home.

Too tired to finish my project. You just want to sit down (or lie down). Figure out ways to get to bed on time -- or to get a better night’s sleep. Go over your schedule: You may be overbooked, so you need to cut back to save energy for more important tasks.

Don’t feel like finishing my project. If you are short on motivation, schedule a task to be done when you have more energy. For example, I left my paper filing to do at the end of the day. The result? A roomful of clutter. When I switched the task to the morning, I filed my papers consistently, and my house was less messy.

Distractions keep me from finishing my project. Ignore interruptions until a task is completed. When your partner makes a non-urgent request, say, “I’m in the middle of something right now, maybe later.”

Need a better system to finish my project. If a system doesn’t work, try a new one. If you are late in paying bills, or forget them, designate two nights each month -- the 1st and 15th -- to tie the bow. Keep everything you need in a basket: the unpaid bills, checkbook, pen, return-address stickers, and a roll of stamps. Walk the bills to the mailbox. And look, you've finished a project!

ADHD mind Rules

RULE 1: STOP THE ACTION!

It's hard to resist impulses.

Your boss proposes doubling your sales goals for next year, and before you can bite your tongue, you laugh and say, "Are you crazy?"

Your neighbor buys a new lawn ornament and asks you if you like it. You tell him it makes his house look like a cheap motel. Now he’s not speaking to you — again.

You see a gorgeous pair of designer shoes in a store window and rush in to buy them, even though every penny of your paycheck is already spoken for.

You don't give yourself time to think and measure your words and actions. Thinking means using hindsight and foresight to assess a situation and determine what you should say or do.

STRATEGY: Make a list of the situations in which you are most likely to behave impulsively. There are times and places where it's OK to be spontaneous and talkative, and other times when acting this way will cost you dearly.

When you are about to enter one of the situations you’ve identified, buy yourself a few thoughtful seconds by performing any of the following actions:

> Before you answer someone, inhale slowly, exhale slowly, put on a thoughtful expression, and say to yourself, "Well, let me think about that."

> Put a finger over your mouth for a few seconds, as if you’re considering what you’re going to say.

> Paraphrase what your boss or family member said to you: "Oh, so you want to know about…" or "You're asking me to…."

> Imagine locking your mouth with a key to prevent yourself from speaking.

Another strategy: Choose a slow-talking model and play that role when you converse. Quit being Robin Williams and start being Ben Stein. Slow it down. Practice speaking slowly in front of a mirror. This will give your frontal lobes a chance to get some traction, to get engaged, instead of being swept along on the tide of your impulses.

RULE 2: SEE THE PAST…AND THEN MOVE FORWARD

When a problem arises, are you confused about what's likely to happen or what to do? Do you beat yourself up for making the same mistakes again and again?

Adults with ADHD have weak nonverbal working memory, which means they don't draw on hindsight to guide their actions. They're not good at recognizing the subtle aspects of problems, and the various tools that might solve them. Many ADDers hit every problem with a hammer, because, to them, all problems look like nails.

ADDers may find it hard to defer gratification — which you must do to save money or stick to a diet, because they can’t call up the mental image of the prize that lies ahead. You need a tool to make sure that what you learned from the past is accessible when you need it in the future.

STRATEGY: Stopping the action — as described in Rule 1 — gives you the time to turn on the mind's eye. Once you've done that, picture a visual device — a flat-screen TV, a computer monitor, or a minicam — and visualize, on that imaginary screen, what happened the last time you were in a situation like this. Let the past unfold in colorful detail, as if you're filming it or replaying it.

The more often you do this, the more automatic it will become. What's more, you'll find that more "videos" will pop into your brain from your memory bank. You might think, "Wow, the last time I interrupted a meeting with a joke, everyone laughed at me, not at the punch line." Or "I felt guilty when I bought those expensive shoes several months ago, only to discover that my son needed books for school. I couldn’t afford them."

RULE 3: FEEL THE FUTURE

Many ADDers are "time blind"; they forget the purpose of their tasks, so they are uninspired to finish them. If no one is dangling a carrot in front of them, they may need some convincing to keep moving toward their goal. That's why Rule 2 is important: It helps you learn from your memories, to become adept at handling similar situations in the future.

But Rule 2 is not always enough. Some things have to get done because it is the right thing to do. ADHD sometimes makes it tough to grasp the moral imperative for getting a task done. Imagining the negative consequences of not doing something is not a potent motivator for most ADDers. Imagining how great it will feel to get to your goal works better.

STRATEGY: Ask yourself, "What will I feel like when I get this project done?" It could be pride, self-satisfaction, the happiness you anticipate from completing the project. Whatever the emotion is, work hard to feel it, then and there, as you contemplate your goal. Every time you sit down to continue working on the project, try to feel the future outcome. Give this technique a boost by cutting out pictures of the rewards you hope to earn from what you are doing. Place them around you while you’re working. They’ll enhance the potency of your own imagery and make the emotions you’re anticipating even more vivid.

RULE 4: BREAK IT DOWN…AND MAKE IT MATTER

ADHD makes the future seem ar away. A goal that requires a significant investment of time, incorporates waiting periods, or has to be done in a sequence of steps, can prove so elusive that you feel overwhelmed. When that happens, many people with ADHD look for an escape route. They might call in sick at work or shunt the responsibility to a co-worker.

Figure out which situations are likely to shut you down: Do you panic when someone gives you a deadline that's months from now? Do complex projects daunt you? Do you have trouble working without supervision? If so, you need some external motivators.

STRATEGY: Break down long-term tasks or goals into smaller units. If an end-of-the-day deadline seems remote to you, try this strategy.

> Break your task into one-hour or half-hour chunks of work. Write down what you need to get done in each period, and run a highlighter over each step as you work on it, to keep your attention focused.

> Double your chances of success by making yourself accountable to another person. Most of us care what others think of us, and social judgment adds fuel to the fire to get things done. At work, make yourself accountable to a supportive coworker, supervisor, or mentor. At home, work with a partner, spouse, or neighbor.

> Do four things after finishing each piece of work: Congratulate yourself; take a short break; call or e-mail a friend or a relative to tell him what you’ve gotten done; give yourself a reward or some privilege you enjoy a lot—just make it small and brief.

RULE 5: KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOR

ADHD may be serious, but you don’t have to be.

STRATEGY: Learn to say, with a smile, "Well, there goes my ADHD talking or acting up again. Sorry about that. My mistake. I have to try to do something about that next time."

When you say this, you’ve done four important things:

> You owned the mistake.

> You explained why the mistake happened.

> You apologized and made no excuse by blaming others.

> You promised to try to do better next time.

Do these things and you will keep your self-esteem, as well as your friends. Disowning your ADHD conduct, blaming others, or not trying to do better next time will cost you a lot.

If you make ADHD an all-encompassing disability, your friends and family will treat it that way, as well. Approach it with a sense of humor, and they will too.

ADDITUDE How the ADHD mind works

ADHD is a confusing, contradictory, inconsistent, and frustrating condition. It is overwhelming to people who live with it every day. The diagnostic criteria that have been used for the last 40 years leave many people wondering whether they have the condition or not. Diagnosticians have long lists of symptoms to sort through and check off. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disordershas 18 criteria, and other symptom lists cite as many as 100 traits.

Practitioners, including myself, have been trying to establish a simpler, clearer way to understand the impairments of ADHD. We have been looking for the "bright and shining line" that defines the condition, explains the source of impairments, and gives direction as to what to do about it.

My work for the last decade suggests that we have been missing something important about the fundamental nature of ADHD. I went back to the experts on the condition — the hundreds of people and their families I worked with who were diagnosed with it — to confirm my hypothesis. My goal was to look for the feature that everyone with ADHD has, and that neurotypical people don't have.

I found it. It is the ADHD nervous system, a unique and special creation that regulates attention and emotions in different ways than the nervous system in those without the condition.

The ADHD Zone

Almost every one of my patients and their families want to drop the term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, because it describes the opposite of what they experience every moment of their lives. It is hard to call something a disorder when it imparts many positives. ADHD is not a damaged or defective nervous system. It is a nervous system that works well using its own set of rules. Despite ADHD's association with learning disabilities, most people with an ADHD nervous system have significantly higher-than-average IQs. They also use that higher IQ in different ways than neurotypical people. By the time most people with the condition reach high school, they are able to tackle problems that stump everyone else, and can jump to solutions that no one else saw.

The vast majority of adults with an ADHD nervous system are not overtly hyperactive. They are hyperactive internally.

Those with the condition don't have a shortage of attention. They pay too much attention to everything. Most people with unmedicated ADHD have four or five things going on in their minds at once. The hallmark of the ADHD nervous system is not attention deficit, but inconsistent attention.

Everyone with ADHD knows that they can "get in the zone" at least four or five times a day. When they are in the zone, they have no impairments, and the executive function deficits they may have had before entering the zone disappear. ADHDers know that they are bright and clever, but they are never sure whether their abilities will show up when they need them. The fact that symptoms and impairments come and go throughout the day is the defining trait of ADHD. It makes the condition mystifying and frustrating.

People with ADHD primarily get in the zone by being interested in, or intrigued by, what they are doing. I call it an interest-based nervous system. Judgmental friends and family see this as being unreliable or self-serving. When friends say, "You can do the things you like," they are describing the essence of the ADHD nervous system.

ADHD individuals also get in the zone when they are challenged or thrown into a competitive environment. Sometimes a new or novel task attracts their attention. Novelty is short-lived, though, and everything gets old after a while.

Most people with an ADHD nervous system can engage in tasks and access their abilities when the task is urgent — a do-or-die deadline, for instance. This is why procrastination is an almost universal impairment in people with ADHD. They want to get their work done, but they can't get started until the task becomes interesting, challenging, or urgent.

How the Rest of the World Functions

The 90 percent of non-ADHD people in the world are referred to as "neurotypical." It is not that they are "normal" or better. Their neurology is accepted and endorsed by the world. For people with a neurotypical nervous system, being interested in the task, or challenged, or finding the task novel or urgent is helpful, but it is not a prerequisite for doing it.

Neurotypical people use three different factors to decide what to do, how to get started on it, and to stick with it until it is completed:

1. the concept of importance (they think they should get it done).

2. the concept of secondary importance--they are motivated by the fact that their parents, teacher, boss, or someone they respect thinks the task is important to tackle and to complete.

3. the concept of rewards for doing a task and consequences/punishments for not doing it.

A person with an ADHD nervous system has never been able to use the idea of importance or rewards to start and do a task. They know what's important, they like rewards, and they don't like punishment. But for them, the things that motivate the rest of the world are merely nags.

The inability to use importance and rewards to get motivated has a lifelong impact on ADHDers' lives:

How can those diagnosed with the condition choose between multiple options if they can't use the concepts of importance and financial rewards to motivate them?

How can they make major decisions if the concepts of importance and rewards are neither helpful in making a decision nor a motivation to do what they choose? This understanding explains why none of the cognitive and behavioral therapies used to manage ADHD symptoms have a lasting benefit. Researchers view ADHD as stemming from a defective or deficit-based nervous system. I see ADHD stemming from a nervous system that works perfectly well by its own set of rules. Unfortunately, it does not work by any of the rules or techniques taught and encouraged in a neurotypical world. That's why:

ADDers do not fit in the standard school system, which is built on repeating what someone else thinks is important and relevant.

ADDers do not flourish in the standard job that pays people to work on what someone else (namely, the boss) thinks is important.

ADDers are disorganized, because just about every organizational system out there is built on two things — prioritization and time management — that ADDers do not do well.

ADDers have a hard time choosing between alternatives, because everything has the same lack of importance. To them, all of the alternatives look the same.

People with an ADHD nervous system know that, if they get engaged with a task, they can do it. Far from being damaged goods, people with an ADHD nervous system are bright and clever. The main problem is that they were given a neurotypical owner's manual at birth. It works for everyone else, not for them. 

The ADHD Brain Part II

Don't Turn ADHDers into Neurotypicals

The implications of this new understanding are vast. The first thing to do is for coaches, doctors, and professionals to stop trying to turn ADHD people into neurotypical people. The goal should be to intervene as early as possible, before the ADHD individual has beenfrustrated and demoralized by struggling in a neurotypical world, where the deck is stacked against him. A therapeutic approach that has a chance of working, when nothing else has, should have two pieces:

Level the neurologic playing field with medication, so that the ADHD individual has the attention span, impulse control, and ability to be calm on the inside. For most people, this requires two different medications. Stimulants improve an ADHDer's day-to-day performance, helping him get things done. They are not effective at calming the internal hyperarousal that many with ADHD have. For those symptoms, the majority of people will benefit by adding one of the alpha agonist medications (clonidine/Kapvay or guanfacine/Intuniv) to the stimulant.

Medication, though, is not enough. A person can take the right medication at the right dose, but nothing will change if he still approaches tasks with neurotypical strategies.

The second piece of ADHD symptom management is to have an individual create his own ADHD owner's manual. The generic owner's manuals that have been written have been disappointing for people with the condition. Like everyone else, those with ADHD grow and mature over time. What interests and challenges someone at seven years old will not interest and challenge him at 27.

Write Your Own Rules

The ADHD owner's manual has to be based on current successes. How do you get in the zone now? Under what circumstances do you succeed and thrive in your current life? Rather than focus on where you fall short, you need to identify how you get into the zoneand function at remarkable levels.

I usually suggest that my patients carry around a notepad or a tape recorder for a month to write down or explain how they get in the zone.

Is it because they are intrigued? If so, what, specifically, in the task or situation intrigues them? Is it because they feel competitive? If so, what in the "opponent" or situation brings up the competitive juices?

At the end of the month, most people have compiled 50 or 60 different techniques that they know work for them. When called on to perform and become engaged, they now understand how their nervous system works and which techniques are helpful.

I have seen these strategies work for many ADDers, because they stepped back and figured out the triggers they need to pull. This approach does not try to change people with an ADHD nervous system into neurotypical people (as if that were possible), but gives lifelong help because it builds on their strengths. 

ADHD and Creativity: A Double-Edged Study

ADHD and Creativity: A Double-Edged Study

More Sharing Servic by Rick Green Another ADHD myth exposed to the glare of scientific study! Only this time, research confirms what many have long maintained. People with ADHD are more creative. Holly A. White from the University of Memphis and Priti Shah of the University of Michigan published anADHD and creativity study this month showing, "adults with ADHD showed higher levels of original creative thinking … and higher levels of real-world creative achievement, compared to adults without ADHD." They also found that faced with a problem, most people prefer to study the problem or refine ideas, whereas we ADHDers prefer to generate new ideas … brainstorming (what most people call daydreaming!) I had always suspected some of us were more creative! An informal survey of friends in the entertainment industry reveals at least a third and maybe half qualify as ADHD. In our documentary about Adult ADHD,ADD & Loving It?!, actor Patrick McKenna shares how he became an improv comedian. His drama teacher took him to see Second City’s stage show and Patrick was thunderstruck, mesmerized by the comedians making people laugh using suggestions audience members shouted out. He felt the energy in the room and knew he’d found his calling. While most people’s biggest fear is public speaking, Patrick couldn’t wait to get onstage. Could not wait. Imagine that. When non-ADHDers can’t understand why we struggle with simple tasks, I ask them how they’d feel doing Improv Comedy onstage. When they get present to the fear and anxiety, I say, "That’s how I feel if I have to do my taxes." But this new study is a double-edged sword. For ADHDers struggling with finances, relationships and work, it’s a relief to hear about the positive side to a mind that flutters out of control. For ADHDers with some mastery over their symptoms, it confirms that a mind that doesn’t filter incoming signals as well as most people’s can be an asset in certain situations. However, for ADHDers who are not creative, this could be taken as yet another failure, as in, "Wow, I can’t even do ADHD right!" The other reason for caution is that studies and statistics are tricky. When a study indicates that people with ADHD score higher on average on creativity tests, a news reporter, who majored in English instead of Stats, might blithely report, "Well folks, it appears that if you have ADHD, you’re more creative than the rest of us." Woah! Not so fast. The study simply suggests ADHDers are, on average, more creative. That doesn’t mean non-ADHDers are not creative, or that all ADHDers are! To use a simple example, on average, women live longer than men. Yet George Burns lived to be 101, while his wife, Gracie Allen, died at 69. George and Gracie weren’t even ‘exceptions to the rule.’ There is no ‘rule’ that men have to die younger. George and Gracie just weren’t average. The study suggests lots of other questions: How big is the difference? Again, using the earlier example, what if women only lived two weeks longer, on average, than men? Not a significant advantage. ADHDers have higher levels of creative achievement on average. But how much? And how did they measure creativity? What types of creativity are there? The co-authors of the study address many of these questions in their scientific paper, but the bigger question is what does it mean for you and me, as ADHDers, or as people who live and/or work with ADHDers? It’s a question we each must answer. With as much creativity as we can! And now, hmm, I’m wondering – does being more creative help overcome the challenges of ADHD? Judging from the humour and imagination I see on the Forums at TotallyADD.com, it sure looks like it does. At the very least, I’ve always found that creativity helps when you need an excuse or an apology! Maybe you can relate! Rick Green, a Canadian writer/actor, is the creative force behind www.TotallyADD.com. Rick shares hilarious observations about ADHD to liberate fellow ADHDers from the fear, shame and stigma. ADD & Loving It?! is the award-winning documentary recommended by CHADD and ADDA now appearing on many PBS stations. Check local listings.

Words to live By

If you have ADHD/ADD it does not mean you’re exactly like another person with the disorder. ADHD/ADD affects people at different levels in different ways. In other words, just because you’ve seen someone with ADHD/ADD, that doesn’t mean you’ve seen them all.