Why ADHDers act the way they do- Additude

By William Dodson, M.D.

November 6, 2013

Keys to understanding our thinking and behaviors -- from preferring the company of fellow ADDers to hyperfocusing all night, to doubting our ability to perform when others want us to. 

Why We're Overwhelmed

ADHDers experience life more intensely than neurotypicals. The ADHD nervous system wants to be engaged in something interesting and challenging. Attention is never "deficit." It's always excessive, constantly occupied with internal engagements. When ADDers aren't in The Zone, in hyperfocus, they have many things rattling around in their minds, all at once and for no obvious reason, like five people talking to them simultaneously. Nothing gets sustained, undivided attention. Nothing gets done well.

Why We Let the Whole World In

Many ADDers can't screen out sensory input. Sometimes this is related to only one sensory realm, such as hearing. In fact, the phenomenon is called hyperacusis (amplified hearing), even when the disruption comes from another of the five senses. For example, the slightest sound in the house prevents falling asleep. ADDers have their worlds constantly disrupted by experiences of which the neurotypical is unaware.

Why We Love a Crisis

Sometimes, an ADHDer can hit the do-or-die deadline and produce lots of work in a short time. The "masters of disasters" handle crises with ease, only to fall apart when things become routine again. Lurching from crisis to crisis, however, is a tough way to live life. Some ADDers use anger to get the adrenaline rush they need to get to be productive. The price they pay for their productivity is so high that they may be seen as having personality disorders.

Why We Don't Always Get Things Done

 ADHDers are both mystified and frustrated by the intermittent ability to be super-human when interested, and challenged and unable to start and sustain projects that are boring to them. They are never certain that they can engage when needed, when they are expected to, when others depend on them to. When ADDers see themselves as undependable, they begin to doubt their talents and feel the shame of being unreliable.

Why Our Motors Are Always Running

By the time most ADHDers are adolescents, their physical hyperactivity is hidden. But it's there and it still impairs the ability to engage in the moment, listen to other people, and relax enough to fall asleep. Even when an ADDer takes meds, he may not be able to make use of his becalmed state. He's still driven forward. By adolescence, most ADDers have acquired the social skills necessary to cover up that they're not present.

Why Organization Eludes Us

The ADHD mind is a vast and unorganized library. It contains masses of info. in snippets, but not whole books. The info. exists in many forms — as articles, videos, audio clips, Internet pages. But there's no card catalog. Each ADDer has his or her own way of storing that huge amount of material. Important items (God help us, important to someone else) have no fixed place, and might as well be invisible or missing entirely.
Why We Don't See Ourselves Clearly


ADDers have little self-awareness. While they can often read other people well, it's hard for the average ADDer to know, from moment to moment, how they themselves are doing. Neurotypicals misinterpret this as being callous, narcissistic, uncaring, or socially inept. The ADDer's vulnerability to the negative feedback of others, and the lack of ability to observe oneself in the moment, make a witch's brew.

Why We May Forget


For the ADDer, information and memories that are out of sight are out of mind. Her mind is a computer in RAM, with no reliable access to info. on the hard drive. The ADDer's mind is full of the minutiae of life ("Where are my keys?"), so there's little room left for new thoughts and memories. Something has to be discarded or forgotten to make room for new information. Often the information ADDers need is in their memory, but it's not available on demand.

Why We're Time Challenged


Because ADDers don't have a reliable sense of time, everything happens right now or not at all. Along with the concept of ordination (what must be done first; what must come second) there must also be the concept of time. 85% of my ADHD patients don't wear or own a watch. For ADDers, time is a meaningless abstraction. It seems important to other people, but ADDers have never gotten the hang of it.

Hallowell

What is it like to have ADHD? What is the feel of the syndrome? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. First of all, I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned, most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have it?

Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's really frustrating not being able to see very well. Or it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.

In other ways it's like being supercharged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that, which makes it really hard to stay on task. Plus, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, looking here, looking there, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence.

What is it like to have ADHD? Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADHD, this does not happen. In ADHD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADHD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.

Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the agony of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADHD, lack tact. Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADHD types don't do this so well.

Many of us with ADHD crave high-stimulus situations. In my case, I love casinos, the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy and having lots of people around. High stim situations can get you into trouble, which is why ADHD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and drug users. But it is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly-energetic, highly-productive people. Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADHD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADHD has been diagnosed, and the individual, with the help of teachers, parents and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck, starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADHD among females as we are looking for it.

Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the short cut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million-dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.

These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADHD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.

What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted. The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADHD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like "lazy," "stubborn," "willful," "disruptive," "impossible," "tyrannical," "a space shot," "brain damaged," "stupid," or just plain "bad." Making the diagnosis of ADHD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment.

What is the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls. Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. Getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.

We who have ADHD need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADHD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.

Gina Pera on ADHD Relationships

It's easy to understand why folks were initially attracted to their partners who have ADHD. Humor. Creativity. They find those qualities in spades. Originality. Innovation. Those crop up a lot, too. Thinking outside the box? As long as it doesn't mean living in a box, they're there.

Yet, for the past three years, my online exchanges with hundreds of partners to people with undiagnosed or untreated ADHD also tell me this: They desperately love their partners, and yet they're desperately hurting and confused. They need help. Many of them have only recently learned that adult ADHD exists or can pose problems other than the occasional forgetting. They didn't know it had anything to do with rage, compulsive spending, job loss, quickly losing interest in a partner, and difficulty being a parent. Many live with partners in complete denial, refusing to even hear of ADHD. It's not that the non-ADHD partners consider themselves paragons of mental-health virtue. They represent a spectrum of personalities, behaviors, intelligences, and neuroses -- as their ADHD partners do, too. Most of them want to grow, change, expand, and meet their ADHD mates halfway or more. 

Yet, when their partner's untreated ADHD creates chaos at every turn and their understanding of ADHD is nil, they often sink into a confused and stressed-out state I call "ADD by Osmosis." They're left unable to act, only react -- sometimes until they reach "meltdown." Even the most formerly confident among them start to believe their partner's line that their partnership woes are entirely their fault. After all, their partner were so in love with them and so charming and attentive in the beginning, it must be their fault that things have changed so drastically. On top of that, they are often dealing with financial difficulties, helping their children with ADHD, performing most of the household chores, and often working a full-time job. 

For the most part, it's not the little ADHD'ish things that wear them down. They can live with those (mostly) once they understand their underpinnings, and they can work together on solutions. Rather, it's the big, teeth-rattling things that send them seeking a support group. Female and male members alike commiserate on the same issues, with a few variations. This following list of most-problematic "hot spots" - again, primarily found among those refusing diagnosis and treatment -- is not for the faint of heart. Perhaps only the most motivated and frustrated make it to a support group -- or maybe just those most certain that there's got to be a better way.

Financial: They wrestle with their partners' secret (and not so secret) debts, impulsive spending, chronic job losses or underemployment. They're called "anal" for insisting on filing with the IRS. They planned for a carefree retirement but instead face mountains of debt. Mention E-bay to them at your own risk; their closets are filled with their partner's impulsive and expensive online purchases. 

Health: They manifest the effects of ADHD-induced stress and tumult in such disorders as fibromyalgia, migraines, chronic fatigue, and irritable-bowel disorder. Suddenly, it can seem that they are the burden to their partners instead of the other way around - an especially tricky scenario that many therapists don't understand. They grow more isolated and restricted in their daily activities.

Careers: Their careers often suffer, perhaps meaning they stay in jobs they hate because they can never afford to take a risk. Theirs is the sole, steady income. They often under-perform at work because they're constantly putting out fires created by their partners. 

Children: An often-heard phrase is "We feel like single parents." They make all the decisions. They act as referee between their children and partner - doubly so if both have ADHD. Too often, they must deal with the authorities when their partner loses their temper. They often stay in toxic marriages because they know that "shared custody" would be disastrous. If their partner "loses track" of their toddler now, what will happen later? If their partner flies off the handle and smacks their adolescent now, what will happen when they're not around to intervene?

Support: Not much. Their families often see the charming "social" side of their partners and think they're exaggerating. Their closest friends commiserate but can't help them, other than to say "get out!" Their in-laws often are wrapped up in their own undiagnosed sagas, decades in the making. Much of the public, including the family doctor or their therapist, relegate adult AD/HD to tooth-fairy status: They don't believe in it.

Sex: They've experienced their partners turning off the sex spigot the day after marriage -- and then they find a way to blame it on them. If they would just do this, that, or the other, they're told, they would be sexually attractive again. They try, but none of it works. Or, they find they're expected to be their partners' sexual stimulant 24-7, with nothing in the way of romance or even foreplay. Some of them have enjoyed a good sex life prior to their partner's treatment, only to have that curtailed by medication side effects. Others feel little enthusiasm - and maybe even a tad incestuous - about having sex with someone who acts like their child.

Driving: They fear for their safety and that of their children. They pray for no more costly traffic-violations, or worse. Their insurance rates are already through the roof.

Self-Esteem: When they are consistently not valued or "seen," they slowly become invisible. Even to themselves. They're blamed for the sky being blue. They identify with Ingrid Bergman in the movie "Gaslight." They get beaten down.

Provocation to anger: They are eternally grateful for Dr. Amen for this subtitle in "Healing A.D.D.": "I bet I can get you to yell at me or hit me." They hate themselves when their anger overwhelms them - it's a new behavior for most of them -- and they hate that their partner keeps provoking them. They are bone-tired of fighting.

Getting Help: Many place trust in doctors and psychologists only to find their problems worsen due to their ignorance about ADHD. While their ADHD partners can conveniently forget the trauma that's transpired or place the blame at their feet - and therefore sit in a session looking so happy-go-lucky -- they are so traumatized, confused and depressed that, to the untrained eye, they often look like the cause of the relationship woes.

It often takes from 5 to 30 years before they gain a clue their partner's behavior comes with a name - and hope for change. By that time, much damage has been done.

Before they can move past the anger and hurt - helping everybody concerned -- they must understand the disorder. The mounds of books about ADHD, however, can't supplant real-life experience - though many partners read volumes of books seeking understanding. They can name all the sub-types and behaviors, but not until they hear exactly how those behaviors play out with others in their shoes does the fog start lifting.

New members often limp into the online support groups, utterly beleaguered and bedraggled or, at best, befuddled. Seldom bemused. Some dart back out again, citing no time for a group because they live with so many crises, not to mention high-needs children. Others need time to rant or grapple with the shocking fact that they've squandered years or maybe even decades to needless frustration. All for lack of information. Some come post-divorce, asking, "What was that train wreck that just happened?" Others conclude they're dealing with "ADD lite," count their blessings and exit. 

Gradually, many who remain find clarity. They challenge each other to re-examine long-held expectations about gender roles, relationships, and their own core issues. They remind each other to detach a bit from the behavior and focus on themselves for a while. They encourage each other to help the partner find help. (You can't expect someone whose very disorder inhibits initiation to suddenly spring into action and find a qualified care-provider.)

Change happens. With each other's support, 

--They find workable communication techniques and chore-sharing arrangements

--They learn to set better boundaries with partners whose life goal seems to be trampling on their boundaries.

--They learn to focus more on what makes them happy. They develop their own interests and activities to "charge their batteries."

--They gain confidence to insist on finding doctors and therapists who will work with them and accept their input not as "controlling" but as filling in the sizeable gaps usually left out by their partners. 

--They develop and hold a vision for what can be because their partners often have lived so many years with what cannot be. If they're lucky, the partners to these people with ADHD learn valuable lessons about damaged egos - their own and their partner's -- and how to reach beyond them. And, they find the partner they always knew was there, underneath the noise. Their partner's ADHD has pushed them both to become better people, and their lives are richer for it. 

Copyright Gina Pera, 2004

Who is the person in Alaska who is following me? Nice to meet you

Who is the person in Alaska who is following me?  Nice to meet you though.

ADHD Article

It comes on as a heat. A warmth starts in my chest and gradually spreads into my neck and arms. For me, ADHD is not a static condition. It comes in squalls. My life is lived between the poles of who I really am and who the Ritalin turns me into. The presence or absence of the medication affects every single experience I have. A simple trip to Ikea can either be a productive use of a Saturday or an overwhelming gauntlet of tedium and frustration, depending on whether or not I have prescription methylphenidates in my bloodstream.

As I head up the escalator into a sea of blue and yellow with no drugs in my system, the heat has already begun to build. My eyes flash around the room. I chomp on my gum. Check my watch. Look at the price of this comforter. Observe a husband being forced to consider the merits of various cabinet handles. A door out of sight opens, closes. Wonder who it is. The heat is in my head now. I close my eyes to fight for focus. I follow the yellow arrows on the floor. I twirl a little golf pencil in my fingers. Where the hell did my girlfriend disappear to? I swear she’s like Batman sometimes. I should download Dark Knight Rises. My vision starts to strobe lightly. I want to run. Burn this energy off. I fight it. There’s that door again. Out of my pocket comes my phone. Facebook. Twitter. Now I’m sweating. My eyes tear up. Someone drops a pencil.

This is my life. My focus is always split between subjects. I can be in class thinking about sex or having sex thinking about class. There’s always something else flashing to the front of my mind before disappearing just as quickly.    

The constant movement of my body mirrors the activity in my mind. There’s just energy that needs to get out. When I was 11, it manifested in a disturbing neck twitch. I still have an unquenchable oral fixation. If I can’t chew on gum or a straw, I gnaw on my tongue until it bleeds. My hands are always flipping keys or a pen around. I was recently given a fidget, a small rubber twisting toy used to soothe special needs children. It has become my security blanket.

I remember sitting in a psychiatrist’s office as a teenager, half listening as she told me what I already knew: I had Attention Deficit Disorder. As of 2007, there have been an estimated 5.4 million children diagnosed with ADHD, according to the Center for Disease Control. Most of them were told the same thing I was: There’s something wrong with your brain, little boy. Don’t worry. We’ve got magic medicine for you.

I have been on some sort of stimulant ever since. I hate my meds. They cost me sleep, give me headaches and stifle my appetite. Ritalin, Adderall, and other ADHD pills are classified alongside opiates, methamphetamines, and cocaine as schedule two drugs. Prescriptions can only be written for a maximum of 30 days with no refills allowed. Every time I move, I’m interrogated by a new shrink. I have to wade through the assumption that I’m just going to sell my pills to some overachieving high schooler who’s scared of the S.A.T.

And I do need the medicine. It’s what I hate most of all. Without my pills I am an amputee without his prosthetic. Tedium becomes torture. Ikea becomes Abu Ghraib.

I take a bathroom break for a respite from all of the stimulation. My jaw is sore from frantic chewing. What was the name of that end table I was supposed to remember? Kerflug? I forget to zip my pants.

Time to end the madness. I swallow the little green pill: 10 mg of methylphenidate, the generic form of Ritalin.

Twenty minutes later, things are calm. The noise is gone. The neurons in my prefrontal cortex are working at an increased level of sensitivity, at least that’s how the scientists best understand it. I’m flipping through the curtains on the wall with genuine interest. The bulk of my mind is consumed in picturing my bedroom with that extra swath of red, or maybe green.

The energy is still there, but it has purpose. My focus, scattered just an hour ago, has become concentrated. I always tell people that it’s like turning a floodlight into a laser. My hands are empty. My gum chewing has slowed to a cow-eating-cud pace.

This is the person those who know me least see. My classmates, teachers, employers know a driven man. I get my work done on time. I answer questions in class. This is me surviving at school. I can play in the majors, but only with the help of performance enhancers.

The conversations around me, once impossible to ignore, are just a low hum in the background. I memorize the call number of the Klippan couch cover so I can find it later in the warehouse.

It took me much of my life, about 24 years in fact, to come to grips with my disability. ADHD sits in an unusual place in the medical spectrum. It is psychosomatic like depression but manifests itself like a physical handicap. Left unmedicated, I can’t  keep up in normal life, but I certainly don’t belong with the special kids.  

I have found that exercise is an effective holistic treatment. That point of intense exertion, where it takes every ounce of determination to fight through the fatigue, that’s probably the only time I ever think of just one thing.

I have no problem waiting the 15 minutes to check out. I hope I’ll get home before the Ritalin wears off so I can put my new chairs together. There really are two different versions of who I am. My hyper and controlled selves melt in and out of each other as the medication gains or loses effect. I’m certain if the two ever had a chance to meet, one would be annoyed, the other bored to tears.

Shari Schreiber ADHD

INSIDE ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER
(No, you're NOT stupid, lazy or crazy!)

By Shari Schreiber, M.A.
www.GettinBetter.com

Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD, is a fairly common neurological issue that for years, has been recognized as a learning disability. If you’re born with it or acquire it during your lifetime, you do not "outgrow" it--though it's likely you'll invent some useful coping strategies to make your symptoms feel less troublesome. This is a cyclical disorder that's attended by mood fluctuations, which coincide with periods of intense productivity, contrasted by periods of apathy or inertia. These cycles impact your self-confidence (no matter howtalented or intelligent you are), because you're not able to consistentlydemonstrate your abilities. Aside from these challenges, there are a number of positive aspects associated with this disorder, which are discussed a bit farther down in this article. This self-diagnostic tool is intended to help you discern the degree to which you may have ADD/ADHD; if you've struggled with some of the obstacles mentioned here, there is help to overcome them! Imagine breaking free of the shame that's a by-product of this disorder, and creating a Life more rewarding, than you've ever thought possible. You're on your way there, right now.

If you have an iPhone, iPad or iPod this app will let you hear this material;http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/web-reader-text-to-speech/id320808874?mt=8

THE MOST TYPICAL HALLMARKS OF THIS CONDITION ARE:

*Chronic procrastination; always putting things off until the last minute, or indefinitely--especially if it's a task you'd prefer to avoid.

*Reluctance to commit; You make appointments 'on the fly,' when you're in need of seeing your doctor or dentist, 'cause you're never sure of how you'll be feeling, when you've booked that appointment ahead of time.

*Mood cycles ~ sometimes up; feeling motivated, confident, “normal” and able to get much accomplished--and sometimes down; feeling unmotivated, inert, disorganized, insecure, overwhelmed, ashamed, “crazy or stupid” and mild to moderately depressed.

*Wondering if you're manic-depressive, or a "little bipolar"; believe it or not, lots of ADD'ers have questioned this at one time or another! Check out my piece on Bipolar Disorder, and discern the difference for yourself.

*Feeling like an underachiever; no matter how much you’ve accomplished during your lifetime, it just never seems like enough!

*Getting started, is the hardest part; once you're at the laundromat you do well, and momentum carries you along--but it's beginning a chore, that's the most difficult. Just start, and you'll be fine!

*You may feel like an impostor or fraud; your accomplishments are usually within areas of innate talent or ability (you're born with 'em), which means they're fairly effortless! Because they've come so easily, you may take them for granted, and can't feel deserving of accolades, honors or rewards for your work or contributions.

*Lack of follow-through; starting projects and seldom finishing them. Loss of interest, motivation, enthusiasm for an activity or goal that might have formerly generated a lot of excitement.

*You may be a Novelty Junkie; you'll get really excited about a new health benefit or gadget, but lose the 'juice' soon after. You keep buying stuff on infomercials, and end up with a kitchen or closet full of items you've never used more than a few times. You may have solid plans to turn these into a service business--but before you can, the novelty wears off, and you're just out another few hundred bucks. Great intentions fizzle-out before they get off the ground.

*You work best under pressure; in the ‘eleventh hour’ when time's running out on a task or project you must handle, you're suddenly efficient, focused, driven and effective. (More on this below.)

*Chronic tardiness; always "running late" (see 'pressure' issue above).

*You're inclined to find 'shortcuts' for resolving an issue, rather than going through the usual or "proper" channels to get something handled.

*You're drawn to work that allows you a lot of creative expression;actors, artists, designers, writers, directors, inventors, architects, etc.

*So many goals, so little focus; 'changing the channel' of focus feeds your need for diverse stimulation, and may inspire you to create several streams of income. More on this, under "The Good News" section (below).

*Attraction to jobs or careers that involve a high degree of risk or danger; stunt people, firemen, paramedics, emergency room doctors/nurses, etc. You're drawn to environments that are highly stressful and production oriented, or where various types of activities are going on at once. Any kind of job requiring your attention to be several places simultaneously, or hyper-focused when there’s a crucial situation you must respond to with the added pressure of time limited, high yield performance (i.e. physical rescue work).

*Attraction to high-risk activities for sport or pleasure; jumping out of airplanes, off cliffs/bridges, high risk snow or water skiing/surfing, mountain climbing, dangerous, high-maintenance (Borderline) partners, or potentially fatal sex practices, etc. In other words, “adrenaline junkies” who insatiably crave intense stimulation.

There are many symptoms associated with ADD and these are just a few! Not all of the above may apply to you, but if you resonate with several of them, it may serve you to (at least) browse the rest of this piece.

Please note! If you want to share this article with someone you care about, make sure you capitalize "ADD" in this link, or they won't be able to find it! Example; www.GettinBetter.com/ADD.html. You can also save this page to your 'favorites' for quick, easy (future) access.

"I'VE ALWAYS FELT I WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE."

You are. This is an extremely common perception among ADD'ers, because your rhythm or pacing is different from other individuals you've known. You may get various tasks accomplished and do them well--but this is according toyour tempo, and they're more easily managed when the “pressure’s on” or during periods when you're feeling more up or empowered. There are times you’ll feel productive, focused and on top of your game--but at other times, it's just the opposite! It's been my opinion for years, that Attention Deficit Disorder should be called Attention Inconsistency Disorder, as this is a far more accurate description of how ADD affects literally hundreds of thousands of individuals.

While it's true that you have this learning disability, it doesn't mean you'reunable to learn--you just have special ways of doing it! ADD'ers are often more visually oriented than auditory, which is a very typical characteristic of creative minds. You might say that your brain's "processing plant" is a little different from other folks; it generally needs to form mental pictures in order to make sense of information, and determine how to respond/react.

Visual stimulation can inhibit your ability to process auditory information, and this affects us in various ways. Have you ever noticed, you can't look at a waiter while he's describing that day's specials, and retain all the information? This happens because your mind's eye has to construct images that help it 'see' what's on those dishes being described, so you can more easily make your choice. Lowering or closing your eyes as you listen, lets your brain do what it does best (and no, it's not rude). By the way, foreign/subtitled films, or movies where much of the storyline is told through the characters'dialogue, can be troublesome to ADD'ers for the same reason. We become visually distracted, and afraid we'll miss important points that help us understand or 'track with' the story.

Most forms of learning are linear. People with ADD/ADHD have a non-linearway of learning. The creative ADD brain is capable of making abstractions, which is a higher order of thinking that we ideally develop between the ages of 9 - 12 years old (around the time we learn empathy). A bright mind finds ways to process new information by applying it to various other situations in life. This requires analytical ability! The ADD'er automatically looks for ways to make fresh data 'fit' with other parts of his puzzle. He presumes that if something's true in one sense, it could be true in others--and connects the dots! Someone stuck in a concrete (lower order) way of thinking can't do this. Their inner process is more childlike, simple or linear.

Problems arise between adult children and their parents, when one is stuck in a concrete level of development, and the other has accomplished abstract thinking. Often, the child has surpassed the parent's capacity in this regard, and frustrating relationship dynamics ensue, because they're quite literally speaking different languages! A good therapist can illuminate this issue, and help them discover new ways of communicating with a shared language that can serve the relationship.

HOW (AND WHY) DOES THIS DISORDER EXIST?

There's a small structure at the base of your brain called the Thalamus. Your Thalamus combines with a tentacle-like structure called the R.A.S. (Reticular Activating System) that functions much like the valve on a garden hose, to allow stimulation to reach your cerebral cortex (thinking part of the brain) or not. When this “valve” is closed or shut down, it’s like having a kink in your garden hose, and water can’t flow through. Similarly, when this happens to your brain you’re unable to get the stimulation you need, to think clearly and function/perform as you would like. You work best under pressure, because when time's running out on a task that's needing your attention, your body'sanxiety response to it, triggers an adrenalin release in your bloodstream. This chemical functions like high-octane fuel for your brain, so that it can go into 'overdrive,' and help you push through most resistance/procrastination.

The worst part of living with attention deficit issues, is you've carried around a lot of shame about not being able to get your ship in the water--and those around you (like your parents or partner) think it's your fault for "not trying hard enough."

WHAT CAN CAUSE IT?

*Head trauma; serious bruising/concussions, etc., during any part of your life, either in childhood or adulthood.

*Chronic/severe earaches; or multiple ear infections during childhood.

*High fevers; particularly, if they've lasted 24-hours or more.

*Encephalitis and/or Meningitis.

*Heredity; if your parent or close relative suffers with ADD/ADHD (or bipolar issues), there’s a genetic probability that you will too.

*Near-death experience (NDE); especially if your brain has been deprived of oxygen for more than a few minutes.

*Birth trauma; umbilical strangling during the birth process, or other types of fetal trauma involving oxygen deprivation or acute pressure to the head.

*Damage in-utero; if your mother regularly smoked or drank alcohol during pregnancy, this could have impaired normal brain development, and left you at risk for acquiring this disorder.

WHAT IS "ADHD?"

ADHD is ADD that includes a hyperactivity component. This disorder is far more readily identified (and treated) in childhood than ADD, and is more prevalent in males than females (nobody’s quite sure why). In children andadults it's generally characterized by restlessness, agitation, inability to focus or concentrate, irritability, inattention, lack of follow-through, difficulty resting, feeling relaxed or “laid-back.” Achieving scholastic or professional success might be easier for ADHD'ers; their ability to self-activate could be enhanced, simply because it's harder to sit still! Depressive episodes and inertia are not quite as common with ADHD, but the ability to focus/slow down enough tocomplete a task, may be more challenging. ADHD'ers are often flooded by stimulation, which easily prompts sensations of overwhelm. When overwhelm occurs, it's like an electrical overload that 'short circuits' our brains, and causes a mental system shut-down that can feel paralyzing (and depressing).

OK, HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS . . . !

ADD’ers tend to be exceptionally bright, and are typically highly creative, artistic and/or inventive. It is believed that many of our most famous artists and inventors throughout history had ADD, which allowed them to harness acute, sustained focus for extraordinary periods of time. This ‘hyper-focus’ enabled them to produce tremendous works of art or significant/important inventions, that have contributed greatly to our advancement as a society.ADD/ADHD'ers are not stupid. In fact, they may be smarter than the average bear!

Once diagnosed, attention span issues can be easily managed, and various treatment modalities are discussed later in this article. It's also important to know that certain kinds of professions or occupations require abilities and skills that are especially suited to ADD’ers! As mentioned under the "hallmarks" section, people living with this disorder are particularly adept atmulti-tasking (managing several different tasks at once) and performing well under pressure! Split focus is as natural as breathing for people with ADD, and productivity is more easily maintained in fast-paced environments where there's lots of interaction with others.

Hyper-focus is an ADD blessing. Quite often, I'll get fired-up/inspired about a topic, and begin writing an article in the early hours of the morning. Before I know it, I've worked straight through until it's dark outside! I might have wanted to get out and do some fun stuff or errands--but I just couldn't put that piece down and walk away until I ran out of steam, and my mind got to a place where I could accept this natural segue. That's passion for ya!

Passion is housed in the second chakra of the body, or your abdomen/lower back area. It's right in there with sexuality, reproductivity and creativity. It's virtually impossible to be creative on demand--because that's like requiring yourself to feel sexual on cue! It's not gonna happen (well, not unless you're in the porn industry). Working on an artistic/creative project is literally like giving birth. At times, you'll feel depleted and a little sad, after you finish a task. This is like post-partum depression, and you'll need to recharge your batteries for awhile, until you can get up for the party again. This is normal.Go with it.

Quite contrary to popular belief, ADD'ers may have strong organizationalskills on the job or in a workplace--even if their home environments appear completely chaotic! The structure and stimulation of a work environment can actually allow their creativity to shine. For example, they might set up an entire filing or billing system that's far more effective and efficient than what's existed before. Remember, ADD'ers like taking/creating shortcuts, and they'll usually find a quicker, more expedient way to get to the 'cheese' in any kind of maze. In short, the pressure and responsibilities they face while working, can help order their thoughts, and heighten their capacity to focus and function.

It's not uncommon for ADD'ers to maintain several occupations (streams of income) simultaneously, or have avocations that augment a primary job or career. For many, being able to switch focus is essential, because it provides relief from boredom, and allows access to different types of stimulation that can virtually 'jump start' their brains. Starting a new project can produce feelings of euphoria; returning to one after a hiatus can be richly gratifying and productive. Unfortunately, self-judgment about not having found a specific 'niche' during one's lifetime, can be harsh and demoralizing. Very young, we're programmed to believe that we need to "decide" what we're going to be when we grow up, and this limiting notion must be dismantled. The truth is, ADD'ers are generally capable of being several things at once, because their talents and abilities are nothing short of prodigious!

Think of your talents this way; imagine that you're asked to draw a picture and given a full box of Crayolas--but you're only allowed to use one crayon from that entire box, to do it. How would you feel about that? Would this artwork reflect your true abilities? Of course not! Well that's what happens when we try and pigeonhole ourselves--or put all our eggs in one basket. Itstifles us, and leads to depression. Discover your strengths, and follow your passions.

IMPORTANT FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Attention Deficit Disorder is fairly easy to treat and manage, using a variety of interventions discussed in this article. Plus, within areas of ability that inspire your interest and passion, symptoms can virtually disappear for long stretches of time. What's crucial, is that you stop beating yourself up for having to grapple with certain impediments and obstacles associated with this issue! Living with untreated ADD, can be like trying to reach an island in a small boat that has a hole in the bottom. As you keep trying to get to that island (your goal/aim), your boat keeps taking on water, and you must periodically stop and bail it out, so you can stay afloat, and begin rowing again! Maybe "next time" you'll be able to get to your destination before you start to sink--and maybe not. You must begin to accept that it's NOT your fault that you suffer from this condition, over which (if unassisted) you have very little control.

Most folks with mild to moderate levels of this disorder aren't diagnosable with standardized tests administered by a physician, which are expensive, incredibly tedious, painstakingly long and frequently, inconclusive! Still, they suffer terribly from psychological and emotional scars incurred throughout a lifetime of trying to live with, and surmount this issue. Tremendous feelings of shame, guilt and remorse over not living up to one’s “potential” (or the expectations of others) are constantly with ADD’ers. Since many people have never had this diagnosed (or even, identified) in their make-up, they go through life feeling like failures, and believing that if they "try just a little harder" they’ll be able to stay on target, and create the kind of Life that matches their daydreams. Sadly, if this condition remains untreated, this is seldom the case; this is a physiological issue--not a personality defect or character flaw!

Children can very easily acquire ADD around the age of 3 years old! While they've become fairly adept at walking, their little leg muscles and joints are not fully developed, so their ability to balance themselves is compromised. Climbing stairs isn't too dangerous, but descending them is! Unfortunately, many parents think their toddler is able to independently perform this task, and leave him/her to negotiate it on their own. I've met with a considerable number of ADD'ers who've reported "falling down a flight of stairs at the age of three," and none of their siblings genetically suffer from this disorder. It is a grave mistake to not maintain solid hold of your child's (or grandchild's) hand or arm while coming down stairs! Walking down beside or just ahead of your child, is not an adequate preventive measure to keep him or her from tumbling down, and incurring brain trauma that can cause Attention Deficit orBipolar Disorders! In short, just because your toddler isn't bleeding after a fall, it doesn't mean he/she hasn't been seriously injured.

ADD'ers can feel completely overwhelmed with personal setbacks; romantic, financial, familial, etc. Basically, any sort of event that 'startles' the brain can virtually blow their circuits, and trap 'em a state of emotional paralysis that can take weeks (or months) to overcome.

Along these same lines, inability to achieve desired results from any efforts made during an up-cycle can be hugely disappointing, and inhibit forward movement for long stretches of time. It's important to note, that energy expenditure during a 'push' time can leave one feeling depleted, once a task or project is accomplished--meaning, gearing up for more productivity can be very difficult; it's literally like the aftermath of an adrenalin rush. Since ADD cycles are attended by fluctuations in energy and mood, self-esteem levels can be impacted as well. Depressive episodes of varying degrees are almost always part of this picture, and can further compound one's struggle. This is generally why actors (and other creative types) may lack the confidence, impetus and mind-set they need, to consistently self-promote! In essence, not seeing immediate results from efforts made during an inspired time is deflating, which derails them from trying again within a reasonable period.

Gum chewing can help us focus. For some reason, the very act of chewinginteracts with the brain, and helps to calm and center us. I've heard of studies done with school-aged children, which suggested that cognitive function was improved by letting them chew gum. It seems ADD/ADHD'ers compulsively eat, partly due to this issue. Eating can help us 'change the channel,' break up our boredom or inertia, and improve our mood. The simple mechanics of chewing may engage a part of our brain that helps us override certain symptoms we're struggling with at that moment. If you're routinely having meals or snacks while working at your computer, try sugarless gum instead. What have you got to lose, besides a few extra pounds?

Too much ‘alone time’ is tough on ADD'ers. They thrive on stimulation, but often lack the ability to produce it for themselves. Individuals with ADD or ADHD respond best to fairly disciplined/structured schedules, even though they hate regimen! Free time or time-off from work, can easily be frittered away or spent unproductively, and self-reproach is very common under these circumstances. While unstructured time can seem appealing to ADD'ers, an over-abundance of it can make 'em feel dissatisfied, overwhelmed or even, depressed. For some, a sort of emotional autism (stemming from infancy) kicks in, to help them adapt to these deficits in interaction, which may then convert to self-imposed hybernation. While these periods may be somewhat safe/comforting (and familiar), they can also feel imprisoning.

ADD'ers need to balance stimulation and contact with quiet/restorative time, but this can be very challenging. Due to the cyclical nature of this disorder, it's often difficult to make plans in advance or commit to future activities, because ADD'ers cannot predict how they'll be feeling, when an upcoming event actually arrives--which (naturally) influences vacation plans. Getaways may have to be more spontaneous, arranged by a partner/spouse--and be organized in a way that's highly stimulating, activity based and structured,particularly if there are ADHD issues.

Nicotine is often the drug of choice for ADD/ADHD'ers. Smoking calms us and helps us focus, mostly because we're getting more oxygen and blood to our brain with every deep drag we take! ADD/ADHD'ers might have a hard time giving up cigarettes. Start breathing more deeply!!!

Many ADD'ers can be "late bloomers," because the obstacles they've faced while living with this disorder (and presumptions that "everyone's like this, and it's normal") held them back from tangible achievements and successes earlier in life. What I often hear from people in their forties through sixties is, "I sure wish I'd gotten help with this much sooner--my life would have been so different!"

No news is always bad news! In the absence of a return phone call, an ADD'er typically scans his or her internal landscape (mentally replaying their behavior and/or dialogues), and hyper-focuses on all the possible reasons they're not hearing back from you! In short, they personalize your lack of responsiveness to them, and may suffer a great deal in the interim before you get around to making contact.

A DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSIS~ IS IT ONLY ADD??

I hear from alot of folks who've read this article, and want to blame their difficulties solely on ADD/ADHD. This neurological disorder can influence how you feel and act, but it seldom constitutes the entire diagnostic picture for all people who struggle with it. I've written this piece to help you determine if some of your issues are emotional, and should be factored into this mix as well.

COGITATION vs PROCRASTINATION:

There's an enormous distinction between cogitation ('kau-ji-tay-shun') and procrastination! To cogitate means you're giving consideration to how you want to go about executing a plan, project or goal. This could be something you've thought about off and on for years, but may feel more ready to tackle now. You're not wanting to just forge ahead and risk making some costly mistakes, so you might cogitate on it awhile, to minimize risk and maximize potential. I'm a huge cogitator. For instance; I may want to start writing an article I've been planning--but my subconscious mind needs time to think it through (or 'chew on it') beforehand. This helps me determine the best way to present the material, bring the pieces together in a clear/cogent manner, figure out a catchy title, and find time to put my accumulated data into an informative, cohesive format. A finished piece take could take months or even years, but I've come to trust that cogitation is an essential part of my creative process. Sometimes, we can kick-start our creativity--but it's very hard tomanufacture on demand.

Procrastination is more about delaying an unpleasant task that makes us put it off, due to the emotional, mental or physical demands it puts on us. This could involve anything, from organizing your yearly receipts for your tax preparer, to approaching an uncomfortable but necessary conversation with an associate or close friend. Anything we feel a level of resistance about, is probably going to fall within the procrastination zone--and this is when mockdeadlines really come in handy!

HOW IS THIS DISORDER TREATED, AND WHAT CAN HELP?

*Diet; foods that are protein based (eggs, fish, fowl, meats, cheese, certain nuts and seeds) help maintain brain chemistry at levels that facilitate focus and encourage sustained mental activity. Stay away from SOY products, as these can impair cognitive ability, and exacerbate ADD/ADHD issues (for more about the dangers of soy consumption, contact Dr. Kaayla Daniel at:www.wholesoystory.com). Caffeine is often helpful for jump-starting the brain and enhancing focus, but may be counter-productive for ADHD'ers, because it can rev them up too much. Sugary, starchy, high-carbohydrate foods (oatmeal and other breakfast cereals, potatoes, pasta, breads, rice, pastry, etc.) trigger a series of chemical changes in the brain that result in serotonin release. This chemical helps us feel calm and relaxed--but often drowsy or tired, which inhibits concentration and mental acuity. Might be better to save these types of foods for your evening meal or before bedtime. Magnesium supplements at night may be useful in decreasing symptoms.

*Exercise; rigorous workouts that are aerobic bring more blood and oxygen to brain tissue, enabling an enhanced sense of well-being and more feelings of “aliveness.” Running, vigorous walks, sustained weight training, etc., are all positive interventions that help ameliorate symptoms of this disorder. Try to breathe more deeply when you're driving, or just going about your day.

*Drugs; pharmaceutical intervention can be extremely effective in mitigating a lot of symptoms related to ADD/ADHD. In many instances, you can finallybegin to reach goals and dreams that have eluded you thus far, because you’re able to harness the impetus or focus you need, to remain stimulatedlong enough to stick with a project or activity. The feelings you experience during an “up cycle” are available on a more consistent basis with the help of a stimulant. Occasionally it takes a few trials and a bit of time for you and your doctor to figure out which drug will work best for you, but a little patience can yield dramatic, life altering results!

Ritalin and other stimulant drugs start working almost immediately, and have a fairly short half-life (the time it takes to leave your system). This half-life depends on whether you're taking a time-released amphetamine or not. Thestandard version of a stimulant generally stays in your system for 4 - 6 hours, and is often available in various dosage strengths. As opposed to a daily dose of medication, you may take your stimulant discretionally, or during times you think you really need it! Having a non-time-release version of your stimulant on hand, can more easily facilitate discretional usage. As your physician comes to know you better and he/she is willing to work with you on this, you can take either depending on need. For some, this can be a more favorable option, as amphetamines rev up your brain and body, and (with extended usage) can seriously deplete your system of much needed rest or recovery time.

EXPLORING THE MEDICAL ROUTE . . .

While most of the pharmaceutical drugs used to treat this disorder are amphetamines (controlled substances), which require a special prescription--not all stimulant drugs are classified as amphetamines. If you discovered 'uppers' or "speed" while in college and this helped you maintain focus and study for exams, it could be that you were self-medicating an attention deficit issue! If you have a history of substance addiction or drug abuse, your doctor will avoid prescribing an amphetamine-based drug regimen to help alleviate your symptoms, but this should be addressed in your intake with him/her. Young children should not be prescribed amphetamines such as Ritalin, as it may stunt physical growth. A couple of alternatives to amphetamines such as Ritalin, Dexadrine, Concerta, Adderall, Cylert, etc., are Strattera and Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant with stimulant properties, and physicians frequently prefer it over amphetamines, for initialdrug trials. A good number of my clients have benefitted from WellbutrinXL, which is a recently developed, longer-acting version of this drug. Stratteramight be a better option for ADHD'ers, as it's less likely to cause irritability and nervousness.

It seems that ADD has reached almost epidemic proportions in the U.S. and fortunately, new drugs are continually being formulated to effectively treat this disorder with few side effects. If you're on antidepressants in addition to stimulant therapy, read; ARE YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANTS WORKING FOR YOU, OR AGAINST YOU?

Often, just a small amount of an SSRI-type antidepressent can greatly improve our ability to focus. If there exists some anxiety or a tendency for obsessive-compulsive thinking, a micro-dose of Celexa, Lexapro or their generic, Citalipram might effectively reduce symptoms associated with ADD.

Everyone’s blood/brain chemistry is uniquely individual. The trick in effectivemedical intervention is finding the right formula that works optimally for you. This can be a daunting and frustrating process, but negative side-effects tend to show up pretty quickly (within a few days), and it’s important your doctor assesses a “typical” short term discomfort (as you're adjusting to your meds) from what should prompt a trial with another drug or drug type. Frequently, a change may be called for within a day or two, and should be implemented based on how (and what) you’re feeling. A psychiatrist can usually send you home with some (non-amphetamine) drug samples to try before filling your Rx, and this can save you a great deal of money. The more information you can give him/her about your experience with a current drug therapy, the more positive your outcome will be. If you feel your physician isn't responsiveto your needs and concerns, find a doctor who is!

HERE'S AN EXTREMELY EXCITING DISCOVERY . . . !

I've been researching potential benefits of cranial adjustments in relation to ADD and Bipolar Disorders. Preliminary information strongly suggests that this specific mode of treatment can positively impact these neurological issues,particularly if onset of symptoms is associated with head trauma. Relatively few chiropractors specialize in this work, but if you think you'd benefit from seeing someone who does, you can find practitioners who do craniosacral work in your area, by going to The Upledger Institute's website;www.Upledger.com.

Along these same lines of more natural forms of treatment; Omega 3 (fish or flax) EPA/DHA oils may enhance focus and cognitive function, and lessen ADD symptomology. Some individuals have difficulty with these repeating(particularly the fish oil capsules) and understandably, neglect to take them consistently for this reason. Any deep sea or cold water (check the label) fish oil is especially well tolerated (as are the new 'odorless' varieties) and unlikely to repeat or leave an aftertaste. Other types can be taken just priorto eating, to eliminate most of this unpleasantness. Both types can usually be found at most retail health food establishments, or large drugstore chains (like CVS). If you can't find this type of product, ask your local vendor to order it for you! Two to three capsules with each meal may positively impact cognitive function and alleviate depression. These products should be refrigerated once you get them home.

Quite surprisingly, magnets have greatly enhanced my ability to focus for long stretches of time (how else could I get all these articles written?!), and they may also help you. I haven't the slightest idea of how they actually work, but my experiences with them have been pretty amazing. You can find magnetic jewelry on the Internet. Worth a try.

I don't want to neglect to mention homeopathy and bio-feedback. You may be inclined to explore whether these options can be effective for you, before trying pharmaceutical intervention or other forms of treatment. As is the case with any treatment modality, results can vary widely. Some feel that homeopathy and bio-feedback are more effective for children than adults, but (so far) I've not seen outcomes that have seemed conclusive enough to justify the significant time commitment or monetary costs of these approaches.

"WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET HELP?"

ADD'ers are frequently misunderstood and misdiagnosed by therapists, as their symptoms can mimic other issues, such as Bipolar and/or Personality Disorders, Attachment Disorder, intimacy issues or non-compliance with treatment. Needless to say, lack of an accurate diagnosis can unnecessarilyprolong therapeutic intervention! These issues may be part of your clinical picture, but should definitely be ruled out by someone qualified to identify, differentiate and diagnose ADD/ADHD. Unfortunately, few psychotherapists have learned to recognize and respond to this condition (it's not part of their schooling/training), 'cause it's neurological (not psychological), but troubling and scarring to the psyche just the same. What will happen if you don't get help? NOTHING. And that's the problem!

New studies are suggesting there's a link between ADHD (seldom seen or diagonosed in females) and Borderline Personality Disorder. Attention deficit issues are attended by mood cycles, which can certainly heighten acting-out behaviors. This newfound awareness may help us more easily discern what type of pharmaceutical intervention can lead to favorable outcomes. While this does not imply that BPD problems are exclusively neuro-chemical rather than emotional, we may just begin to treat/manage the symptoms of this disorder differently and more effectively.

Typical repercussions from untreated ADD or ADHD are poor self-esteem, emotional and psychological scarring, addiction to various drugs/substances or compulsive behaviors (shopping, gambling, over-eating, etc.) in effort to self-medicate the “down times.” Relationships may be compromised, as the spouse/partner of an ADD'er usually carries the lion's share of responsibility for the couple's financial and emotional balance, as well as social planning and goal setting for the relationship! He or she must frequently manage more of the household and/or parenting tasks. All these elements can lead to feelings of anger and resentment, which prompt conflict in an otherwise compatible and harmonious coupling.

Being romantically involved with someone who has ADHD can be sexually and emotionally frustrating, as his/her attention span and internal rhythms are very different than yours. If you relish intimate contact that includes languid love-making sessions, meaningful conversations and long periods of 'hanging out' with your partner, you'll have difficulty getting these needs met with an ADHD'er. You may require time to replenish and recharge your batteries on the weekends and crave this in your romantic connection, but your partner needs to keep changing the channel with a variety of other activities, which can leave you feeling short-changed in the intimacy zone of your relationship.

Does your partner, friend or relative interrupt you mid-sentence? This can be infuriating, but it's pretty common with ADD/ADHD, and here's why: As you're telling your story, it triggers their memory of a similar experience or issue they'd like to share with you. Because it's difficult for them to retain a thought or idea before their channel changes, they've acquired subtle anxiety that makes them jump in and sweep you away on their tangent, the very moment you touch on something they're wanting to relate! They're notmeaning to be rude, they're just attempting to connect with you. Help them become aware of how this makes you feel (frustrated, angry, etc.), and why you suspect it happens. A nearby notepad makes it possible for them write down a word or two in reference to what they want to relate to you, so they can return to it when you've finished speaking, and join you in conversation.

At the start of a new romance, ADD’ers are usually highly stimulated and motivated, but their sense of elation may quickly fade. This can impact their ability to follow-through with contact, or remain engaged long enough to allow a relationship to unfold. This tendency is dramatically influenced by unpredictable and ungovernable mood fluctuations, making ADD'ers feel like they can't always bring their "best self" to the relationship. Naturally, this invokes and reinforces familiar, long-held feelings of shame. In response, they 'hide out' for awhile, hoping to recapture their original enthusiasm. The longer they have to wait for this impetus to return, the more embarrassing and difficult it is for them to resume their previous connection. This issue can be exacerbated by the fact that ADD'ers typically 'scan the horizon' for disaster, in order to feel more control over their existence. This causes them to mentally fast-forward into the future to try and mitigate anxiety about unknown or potentially threatening elements that might lie ahead. In the process, the entire relationship may be envisioned to its conclusion--and the concern this invokes, compounds their need to distance. In essence, they can easily talk themselves out of an involvement, before they've even begun! The potential (new) lover senses a shift in their connection, because there's a visceral departure from what he/she experienced in the beginning. This triggers feelings of confusion and loss, which can be very painful. This issue is often attended by Borderline Personality traits, which could also be a crucial part of this diagnostic picture.

ARE DRUG THERAPY, EXERCISE AND DIET ENOUGH?

Not usually. It's especially helpful to engage the services of a counselor or therapist who's experienced in treating this disorder, so you're supported in learning healthier, more productive coping mechanisms and organizing strategies, in addition to medical intervention you receive. Very typically, there are levels of shame and inferiority you've had to live with most of your life, in relation to how attention deficit issues have influenced your learning capacity and behaviors. Gaining insight into how profoundly this issue has held you back and impacted your self-image and relationships, is crucial to developing a more empowered, self-confident lifestyle.

In extreme cases, you might be incapable of holding down any kind of job, but this is somewhat rare, and may be related to dual or mixed diagnoses which can include mood disorders. This must be explored within your initial psychiatric evaluation, because bipolar issues, dysthymia and ADD/ADHD can easily co-exist. Varying degrees of ADD and atypical forms of Bipolar Disorderare frequently overlooked, which means that an accurate diagnosis of your symptoms may be missed in a 'psych-eval' (psychiatric evaluaton). Once various medical and clinical concerns are ruled out and your ADD has been identified/diagnosed, specialized support can help you perform well in arenas that hold special interest for you, and correspond with your innate talents.Effective therapeutic assistance helps you discover your passions, and gain a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction and joy!

"WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS SOONER?!"

Unless you were a hyperactive kid who had a lot of difficulty in school, ADD wasn't suspected, recognized or attended to. In recent years, ADD and ADHD have steadily received more focus than ever before within scholastic and medical communities. Unbelievably, there are 'doctors' (and I'm using the term loosely) who still think this disorder only affects children, and that we “outgrow it” in adulthood! If you’re missing the hyperactivity component in ADHD, your doctor or psychotherapist can easily overlook this diagnosis. This can curtail your progress and extend your talk therapy--which means that a lot of your money could be going down the drain.

If you have a child with ADD, it's crucial that you introduce him/her to topics or activities he/she might enjoy or find interesting and stimulating. Each child has his own unique talents and genius! One of your most important tasks as a parent, is finding out what these are, and gently encouraging expression and expansion in these arenas. Your nurturing, patient support combined with a greater understanding of the obstacles your child wrestles with, will make asubstantial difference in Who he becomes as an adult, and how he feels about himself throughout the remainder of his life! Learning about ADD will help you develop more compassion for your child or partner, and assist him/her in getting the help they need to move forward. If you’re an adult who's personally resonating with what you’ve read here, it can be highly beneficial to explore treatment options, so you can begin creating a richer, more rewarding life, and actually achieve your dreams!