Monday, May 5, 2014
Seven Things Nonmedical Adderall Users Don’t Understand
It is probably going to run us, like, $40 for 90, or $50 for 120,” the girl said, casually flipping her hair and eating her lunch.“Whatever dude, worth it,” a friend of hers commented with a smirk on his face. “Call your cousin ASAP, I need to get this in before exams start.”“Ugh, god. I love adderall,” the girl replied, followed by a whole-hearted laugh from the group that looked like a college brochure come to life.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Life on Adderall: The Reality Behind Living on ADHD Stimulants
Life on Adderall: The Reality Behind
Living on ADHD Stimulants
Not many people have the distinction of seeing Tom Cruise rant about their medication on the Todayshow. They have never picked up a paper and read that their medication has been banned in Canada because it is suspected of causing cardiac arrhythmias in children. Unlike me, I have been taking amphetamines on a daily for over ten years.
I am not a drug abuser. I am simply one of the many people who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (also known as ADHD, Attention Deficit Disorder, and ADD) and being treated with the drug Adderall. Adderall is only one of several stimulant medications used to treat ADHD. Other drugs include the ever popular Ritalin, Concerta, Dexedrine, and Metadate. (Straterra is a drug used to treat ADHD, but is not a stimulant.)
Adderall is classified as a "schedule II controlled substance," which means that the FDA deems it at having a high potential for abuse. Considering that it is a known street drug, this classification seems to fit. Still, it doesn't make my life any easier.
What does it feel like being on Adderall?
This is a hard question to answer. Although I don't get high, I definitely can tell when it kicks in. It is pleasurable, in the fact that it calms my brain down. Allow me to illustrate life on and off Adderall. Before I take my medication, I have trouble focusing on one task. I might start doing the dishes when I notice that the cordless phone is off the hook. I go to put it on the hook, when I spot a book that should be in the bedroom. I set the phone down (not on the hook) and take the book towards the bedroom. On the way, I remember that I left the water running in the kitchen. I hurry back (setting the book down along the way) and continue doing the dishes until something else distracts me.
This is a hard question to answer. Although I don't get high, I definitely can tell when it kicks in. It is pleasurable, in the fact that it calms my brain down. Allow me to illustrate life on and off Adderall. Before I take my medication, I have trouble focusing on one task. I might start doing the dishes when I notice that the cordless phone is off the hook. I go to put it on the hook, when I spot a book that should be in the bedroom. I set the phone down (not on the hook) and take the book towards the bedroom. On the way, I remember that I left the water running in the kitchen. I hurry back (setting the book down along the way) and continue doing the dishes until something else distracts me.
That's just a very brief example. When I take the medication, I still notice other things I need to do, but they don't become pressing "musts" like they do off the medication. The medication also tunes down the noises in my life. Life is noisy-especially when it seems like its quiet. In my quiet room right now I can hear the wind in the trees, my dog snoring, the wind chimes outside, a neighbor kid yelling, a plane go by overhead, my fingers typing, etc. The medication turns these noises down, or filters them out, and lets me choose what to focus on.
Am I addicted to Adderall?
I've been asked if I felt I was addicted to Adderall several times and my answer is yes and no. I once asked my doctor if I could be considered "addicted" to the drug-since I know that true addicts are often in denial-and he said no. According to him, I'm not addicted to them because I don't do any negative drug-seeking behaviors associated with drug addiction.
I've been asked if I felt I was addicted to Adderall several times and my answer is yes and no. I once asked my doctor if I could be considered "addicted" to the drug-since I know that true addicts are often in denial-and he said no. According to him, I'm not addicted to them because I don't do any negative drug-seeking behaviors associated with drug addiction.
I also do not need to continue increasing the amount I am taking to get the same effects. In the ten years that I have been on the drug, I have requested that my dosage be reduced during the summertime when I didn't need to be as focused. I have never needed to increase my dosage passed 40mg a day.
Yet, a part of me knows that I am both physically and psychologically dependant on the medication. My body is used to an intake of stimulant every day. If I suddenly stopped taking that, I would feel it. I also like what it does for me. It does not get me "high." The only way I can describe it is that it gets me "clear." Imagine driving through a fog and then the sun comes out. Adderall provides the sun for my otherwise foggy brain. I could function without it, but not as well as I function with it.
Since I know the drug works for me, I know I would have a hard time not taking it. Even if the physical effects were minimized, my mind would be convinced that things were worse than they were. So, there is a slight psychological dependency there, too.
This would make it seem like I am addicted, so how can I be sure that I am not? Well, mediation is not the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. In fact, there have been times I have left the house and forgotten to take it, which indicates to me that I am obviously not addicted to it. I know several people who are addicted to caffeine and they can't function until the have a cup of coffee. I've heard similar stories about people who are addicted to cigarettes. If I don't take a dose, I will eventually notice. I would compare it to taking cold medicine, only the cold is in my brain.
The Monthly Headaches and Hassles of Obtaining Adderall Legally
Because Adderall is a controlled substance, I am required to get a new prescription each month from my doctor. I have to remember to call the doctor when I am almost out of pills and give out the litany of information that I have memorized. I tell the recording my name, spell it, my birth date, my phone number, my doctor's name, the drug I need, the dosage, explain why they can't call the pharmacy and that I need to pick it up. If I miss any one of these details, I will receive a call from the nurse. Because Adderall is controlled, they can't call my pharmacy with it. I have to pick it up from the doctor and take it to the pharmacy.
Because Adderall is a controlled substance, I am required to get a new prescription each month from my doctor. I have to remember to call the doctor when I am almost out of pills and give out the litany of information that I have memorized. I tell the recording my name, spell it, my birth date, my phone number, my doctor's name, the drug I need, the dosage, explain why they can't call the pharmacy and that I need to pick it up. If I miss any one of these details, I will receive a call from the nurse. Because Adderall is controlled, they can't call my pharmacy with it. I have to pick it up from the doctor and take it to the pharmacy.
When I do pick it up, I always double-check it to ensure that everything is correct. Several times the nurse or doctor put an incorrect date on the prescription. If the date is over two weeks old, the prescription is no good and I have to go back and get a new one. Once, the dosage was wrong. Again, I had to go back and get a new prescription. It is not that my doctor is inept; I've had this occur with more than one doctor. They simply are not required to be so precise.
Once at the pharmacy, I am faced with a completely new set of problems. They always have to check to ensure that he medication is in stock-they don't keep too much of it around. When I pick it up, I have to make sure the pharmacist is there because it is kept locked up. I've learned to inform the clerk not to bother looking where all the other drugs are hanging, it's not there it's in the safe.
For this privilege, I pay almost $150 a month-my current health insurance does not cover the drug because it is a preexisting condition. Five dollars a pill is expensive, but it's worth it to me.
Considering the expense and hassle I have, it amazes me that people can afford and obtain it illegally. Part of me wonders if it isn't cheaper and easier to obtain on the streets. I don't know and I don't want to know because I'm afraid the answer might depress me too much.
Considering the expense and hassle I have, it amazes me that people can afford and obtain it illegally. Part of me wonders if it isn't cheaper and easier to obtain on the streets. I don't know and I don't want to know because I'm afraid the answer might depress me too much.
Does Adderall Affect My Personality?
Many people wonder if Adderall changes my personality. My response is yes and no. The medication does change my behavior. Off medication, I am more prone to interrupting conversations, I switch topics at the drop of the hat, I rarely finish things I start, and can be very annoying to friends and family. And that's just the start of the list.
Many people wonder if Adderall changes my personality. My response is yes and no. The medication does change my behavior. Off medication, I am more prone to interrupting conversations, I switch topics at the drop of the hat, I rarely finish things I start, and can be very annoying to friends and family. And that's just the start of the list.
Still, few people are capable of telling when I'm on my medication. I still jump around when I'm excited, I am still enthusiastic, and it doesn't alter my moods. I've heard some people complain that the medication made them less creative, but I've never seen this to be true. In many ways, it has made me more creative since I've been able to finish more of the projects that I have created.
My medication doesn't change me; it allows me to be the person I want to be. I like myself better on medication. Since I was 25 when I was diagnosed, no one has ever made me take the medication. I came to these conclusions on my own. Medication didn't fix everything in my life or eliminate all the problems I have had with ADHD, but it has made many things much easier. The medication helps me function.
I look at it is a sort of artificial legs or a pair of glasses. Yes, the person could function without them. They might even be able to do most of the things that they do with them. However, the addition of the glasses helps them complete tasks easier-or rather brings them up to the same level as everybody else. That's what medication does for me.
I know that Adderall will always be a controversial drug. People will always be opposed to it. I accept this as a fact of my life with ADHD. I believe these people are necessary and very valuable. Although I advocate for the use of ADHD medicine, without some sort of resistance to it Adderall could become misused. Misdiagnosis is a problem with ADHD, and I fear what effects stimulant medication could have on children who are not ADHD. (For information on what Adderall and other stimulant medication does on brains with ADHD, check out Dr. Amen's book titled Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness. It explains it much better than I can here.)
Besides, I figure there are worse things in life to have to deal with. Overall, Adderall downplays the negative effects of my ADHD and allows me to enjoy the benefits of having it. I like being spontaneous, energetic, and able to multitask. I could go on, but that is a whole other subject.
So to Tom Cruise and anyone else asking, "Do you know what Adderall is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that?" Allow me to say, "Yes, I do. Do you? Do you really understand?"
I doubt anyone can truly understand until he or she has experienced it first hand. Like me.
Why is My ADHD Life so Damn Hard?
Why is my ADHD Life so Damn Hard?
Dr. Richard Ferman, Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.
Having treated thousands of people with ADHD, I find one question that comes up over and over again. That question is “Doc, why is my ADHD life so damn hard?” Now there are variations of this question, such as “I thought the medication would take care of all of this ADHD stuff” or “Shouldn’t I have outgrown all this?” This is when I remind my patients that ADHD is a life long condition. It requires a lifetime of learning and managing from many different angles in order to be successful. Just because we get some relief from our medication, we still will always have to battle against those three primary traits of ADHD we have been dealing with all of our lives.
The good news is you’re probably familiar with the “Big 3” ADHD traits. You have just probably forgotten how they look when you are older. Remember those of us with ADHD tend to be: 1) Impulsive, 2) Inattentive and/or 3) Hyperactive
If you think you are going to outgrow these traits, or they are going to disappear now that you are taking medication, that just is not the case for most of us with ADHD. I usually find that most of what is making ADHD life hard falls into three categories:
Being too impulsive:
“The Inability to Hold back, or think before making a decision…”
-We tend to make quick decisions. Later those quick decisions only come back to “haunt” us.
-We make quick decisions without giving ourselves adequate time to carefully consider the possible effects or results of our actions.
-We sometimes don’t think about the possible alternatives which could serve us better.
Inattentiveness or Zoning out of life:
“Difficulty staying present and focused on what is right in front of us…”
-Inattentiveness can cause us to act on a quick decision without taking adequate time to look at possible negative results of our quick decisions.
-To some people it looks like we “just don’t learn from our mistakes.”
-We tend to operate on the principle: Ready – Fire – Aim!
If, all your life, you have been told that you underachieve, sometimes it just feels better to shoot the gun now and aim later. This is akin to “acting without thinking”. So, we miss our designated target and set in motion, a series of results that we did not foresee and do not want. This is where our impulsivity, not paying attention to what is around us or thinking about other positive possibilities or options becomes really clear. Often those of us with ADHD prefer to just spring into action without thinking. This causes us to miss out on other aspects of the situation. Not taking a minute to think about those other possibilities means we miss out on many less obvious options. That is the rub about ADHD. We may have wished we could have taken the time to think things through, but without some sort of assistance, like that which medication and proper nutrition provide, that option is simply not a possibility.
Battling our own inner Hyperactivity
“That feeling that we just need to keep moving, or are driven by our own motor that just won’t turn off. “
-As kids, we ADHD hyperactive kids got into heaps of trouble for being so hyper and impulsive. We did not see ourselves as others saw us. We felt excessively criticized and put down for just being who we were. Inside we felt happy and “normal’, and in a rush. The constant criticism took its toll on our self-esteem. We saw others as “too slow”. We felt very unique, loving and happy, but often our teachers and parents did not appreciate us for who we felt we were.
-We tend to grow out of the gross, physical, hyperactivity. This obvious hyperactivity changes into more fine motor hyperactivity: i.e., jiggling our legs, swinging one leg over the other, tapping or drumming etc. Adult hyperactivity can evolve and make an appearance in a more subtle way such as blinking, raising eyebrows, shrugging our shoulders, etc. It’s as if the childlike hyperactivity moves more into a feeling of inner restlessness.
This is what I remind myself and my patients to be reminded of anytime they ask the question “Doc, why is my life so hard?” These core traits are part of the hardwiring of the ADHD brain. They require monitoring and management even when you just want to give in and let everything in your already overwhelmed brain just fall apart. Resist that urge, as it usually just makes things worse. Instead, there are things that we can do to offset these “Big 3” ADHD traits. Here are just a few suggestions to help get your ADHD life back in control:
- Give yourself a break and expect to feel overwhelmed and plan for it. The question is not if you get overwhelmed, but when you get overwhelmed. If you know that it is just a natural part of a brain that is built like a Ferrari, then you can go easy on yourself. Setbacks and misfires are just a part of what makes us human. Even people without ADHD feel overwhelmed sometimes. Give yourself a “get out of jail free card” every own and again. You might find it is just what the doctor ordered to help you stay on track.
- Get enough rest. Sounds simple, but those of us with ADHD know just how difficult this can be. Your ADHD brain just needs all the energy it can get. A sleepy ADHD brain is a useless ADHD brain. Try to limit the amount of stimulation you have the 2 hours before you go to bed. This means no heavy talks, no super activating television shows, or thought provoking discussions two (2) hours before bedtime.
- Eat enough protein!! The same chemicals that your ADHD brain craves and gets in medication are made from the building blocks found in the protein you eat. Without enough protein in your diet, all the medication in the world won’t help.
- Drink enough water. Did you know that people who are dehydrated actually look a lot like those of us with ADHD? Dehydration can really cause you to not be able to think clearly. If you find yourself heating up during the day, or have a dry mouth, reach for the H2O. As much as soda and coffee may taste good, soda leaches precious calcium from your body and coffee actually dehydrates you. So remember to drink two waters for every soda or coffee you drink.
- Take your medication and your supplements. Many of us with ADHD think we are better or more free when we are off our medication. That may be how we “feel”, but that’s not usually the time when we make our best decisions and are in fact least effective. If you are supposed to take medication or you are able to take supplements like Omega-3 fatty acids, do it! Omega -3 fatty acids really do impact the way in which our brains work. Anything that we can do to improve our ADHD brains is usually a good thing.
Next time you find yourself chasing after a life of what feels like out of control ADHD, remember that you can get control of your mind, and you can get control of your ADHD. Take a minute and remember to keep an open mind. If something feels too extreme and out of balance—move on and look elsewhere. Find that place where your mind and your heart guide you to your best choices.
Take a moment to post a comment and tell me about how hard your ADHD life is and share any tips or strategies you found that have worked for you.
Till then—God bless.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Why ADHDers act the way they do- Additude
By William Dodson, M.D.
Keys to understanding our thinking and behaviors -- from preferring the company of fellow ADDers to hyperfocusing all night, to doubting our ability to perform when others want us to.
Why We're Overwhelmed
ADHDers experience life more intensely than neurotypicals. The ADHD nervous system wants to be engaged in something interesting and challenging. Attention is never "deficit." It's always excessive, constantly occupied with internal engagements. When ADDers aren't in The Zone, in hyperfocus, they have many things rattling around in their minds, all at once and for no obvious reason, like five people talking to them simultaneously. Nothing gets sustained, undivided attention. Nothing gets done well.
Many ADDers can't screen out sensory input. Sometimes this is related to only one sensory realm, such as hearing. In fact, the phenomenon is called hyperacusis (amplified hearing), even when the disruption comes from another of the five senses. For example, the slightest sound in the house prevents falling asleep. ADDers have their worlds constantly disrupted by experiences of which the neurotypical is unaware.
Sometimes, an ADHDer can hit the do-or-die deadline and produce lots of work in a short time. The "masters of disasters" handle crises with ease, only to fall apart when things become routine again. Lurching from crisis to crisis, however, is a tough way to live life. Some ADDers use anger to get the adrenaline rush they need to get to be productive. The price they pay for their productivity is so high that they may be seen as having personality disorders.
Why We Don't Always Get Things Done
ADHDers are both mystified and frustrated by the intermittent ability to be super-human when interested, and challenged and unable to start and sustain projects that are boring to them. They are never certain that they can engage when needed, when they are expected to, when others depend on them to. When ADDers see themselves as undependable, they begin to doubt their talents and feel the shame of being unreliable.
Why Our Motors Are Always Running
By the time most ADHDers are adolescents, their physical hyperactivity is hidden. But it's there and it still impairs the ability to engage in the moment, listen to other people, and relax enough to fall asleep. Even when an ADDer takes meds, he may not be able to make use of his becalmed state. He's still driven forward. By adolescence, most ADDers have acquired the social skills necessary to cover up that they're not present.
The ADHD mind is a vast and unorganized library. It contains masses of info. in snippets, but not whole books. The info. exists in many forms — as articles, videos, audio clips, Internet pages. But there's no card catalog. Each ADDer has his or her own way of storing that huge amount of material. Important items (God help us, important to someone else) have no fixed place, and might as well be invisible or missing entirely.
Why We Don't See Ourselves Clearly
ADDers have little self-awareness. While they can often read other people well, it's hard for the average ADDer to know, from moment to moment, how they themselves are doing. Neurotypicals misinterpret this as being callous, narcissistic, uncaring, or socially inept. The ADDer's vulnerability to the negative feedback of others, and the lack of ability to observe oneself in the moment, make a witch's brew.
Why We May Forget
For the ADDer, information and memories that are out of sight are out of mind. Her mind is a computer in RAM, with no reliable access to info. on the hard drive. The ADDer's mind is full of the minutiae of life ("Where are my keys?"), so there's little room left for new thoughts and memories. Something has to be discarded or forgotten to make room for new information. Often the information ADDers need is in their memory, but it's not available on demand.
Why We're Time Challenged
Because ADDers don't have a reliable sense of time, everything happens right now or not at all. Along with the concept of ordination (what must be done first; what must come second) there must also be the concept of time. 85% of my ADHD patients don't wear or own a watch. For ADDers, time is a meaningless abstraction. It seems important to other people, but ADDers have never gotten the hang of it.
November 6, 2013
Why We're Overwhelmed
ADHDers experience life more intensely than neurotypicals. The ADHD nervous system wants to be engaged in something interesting and challenging. Attention is never "deficit." It's always excessive, constantly occupied with internal engagements. When ADDers aren't in The Zone, in hyperfocus, they have many things rattling around in their minds, all at once and for no obvious reason, like five people talking to them simultaneously. Nothing gets sustained, undivided attention. Nothing gets done well.
Why We Let the Whole World In
Many ADDers can't screen out sensory input. Sometimes this is related to only one sensory realm, such as hearing. In fact, the phenomenon is called hyperacusis (amplified hearing), even when the disruption comes from another of the five senses. For example, the slightest sound in the house prevents falling asleep. ADDers have their worlds constantly disrupted by experiences of which the neurotypical is unaware.
Why We Love a Crisis
Sometimes, an ADHDer can hit the do-or-die deadline and produce lots of work in a short time. The "masters of disasters" handle crises with ease, only to fall apart when things become routine again. Lurching from crisis to crisis, however, is a tough way to live life. Some ADDers use anger to get the adrenaline rush they need to get to be productive. The price they pay for their productivity is so high that they may be seen as having personality disorders.
Why We Don't Always Get Things Done
ADHDers are both mystified and frustrated by the intermittent ability to be super-human when interested, and challenged and unable to start and sustain projects that are boring to them. They are never certain that they can engage when needed, when they are expected to, when others depend on them to. When ADDers see themselves as undependable, they begin to doubt their talents and feel the shame of being unreliable.
Why Our Motors Are Always Running
By the time most ADHDers are adolescents, their physical hyperactivity is hidden. But it's there and it still impairs the ability to engage in the moment, listen to other people, and relax enough to fall asleep. Even when an ADDer takes meds, he may not be able to make use of his becalmed state. He's still driven forward. By adolescence, most ADDers have acquired the social skills necessary to cover up that they're not present.
Why Organization Eludes Us
The ADHD mind is a vast and unorganized library. It contains masses of info. in snippets, but not whole books. The info. exists in many forms — as articles, videos, audio clips, Internet pages. But there's no card catalog. Each ADDer has his or her own way of storing that huge amount of material. Important items (God help us, important to someone else) have no fixed place, and might as well be invisible or missing entirely.
Why We Don't See Ourselves Clearly
ADDers have little self-awareness. While they can often read other people well, it's hard for the average ADDer to know, from moment to moment, how they themselves are doing. Neurotypicals misinterpret this as being callous, narcissistic, uncaring, or socially inept. The ADDer's vulnerability to the negative feedback of others, and the lack of ability to observe oneself in the moment, make a witch's brew.
Why We May Forget
For the ADDer, information and memories that are out of sight are out of mind. Her mind is a computer in RAM, with no reliable access to info. on the hard drive. The ADDer's mind is full of the minutiae of life ("Where are my keys?"), so there's little room left for new thoughts and memories. Something has to be discarded or forgotten to make room for new information. Often the information ADDers need is in their memory, but it's not available on demand.
Why We're Time Challenged
Because ADDers don't have a reliable sense of time, everything happens right now or not at all. Along with the concept of ordination (what must be done first; what must come second) there must also be the concept of time. 85% of my ADHD patients don't wear or own a watch. For ADDers, time is a meaningless abstraction. It seems important to other people, but ADDers have never gotten the hang of it.
Hallowell
What is it like to have ADHD? What is the feel of the syndrome? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. First of all, I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned, most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have it?
Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's really frustrating not being able to see very well. Or it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.
In other ways it's like being supercharged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that, which makes it really hard to stay on task. Plus, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, looking here, looking there, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence.
What is it like to have ADHD? Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADHD, this does not happen. In ADHD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADHD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.
Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the agony of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADHD, lack tact. Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADHD types don't do this so well.
Many of us with ADHD crave high-stimulus situations. In my case, I love casinos, the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy and having lots of people around. High stim situations can get you into trouble, which is why ADHD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and drug users. But it is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly-energetic, highly-productive people. Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADHD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADHD has been diagnosed, and the individual, with the help of teachers, parents and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck, starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADHD among females as we are looking for it.
Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the short cut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million-dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.
These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADHD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.
What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted. The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADHD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like "lazy," "stubborn," "willful," "disruptive," "impossible," "tyrannical," "a space shot," "brain damaged," "stupid," or just plain "bad." Making the diagnosis of ADHD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment.
What is the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls. Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. Getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.
We who have ADHD need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADHD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.
Gina Pera on ADHD Relationships
It's easy to understand why folks were initially attracted to their partners who have ADHD. Humor. Creativity. They find those qualities in spades. Originality. Innovation. Those crop up a lot, too. Thinking outside the box? As long as it doesn't mean living in a box, they're there.
Yet, for the past three years, my online exchanges with hundreds of partners to people with undiagnosed or untreated ADHD also tell me this: They desperately love their partners, and yet they're desperately hurting and confused. They need help. Many of them have only recently learned that adult ADHD exists or can pose problems other than the occasional forgetting. They didn't know it had anything to do with rage, compulsive spending, job loss, quickly losing interest in a partner, and difficulty being a parent. Many live with partners in complete denial, refusing to even hear of ADHD. It's not that the non-ADHD partners consider themselves paragons of mental-health virtue. They represent a spectrum of personalities, behaviors, intelligences, and neuroses -- as their ADHD partners do, too. Most of them want to grow, change, expand, and meet their ADHD mates halfway or more.
Yet, when their partner's untreated ADHD creates chaos at every turn and their understanding of ADHD is nil, they often sink into a confused and stressed-out state I call "ADD by Osmosis." They're left unable to act, only react -- sometimes until they reach "meltdown." Even the most formerly confident among them start to believe their partner's line that their partnership woes are entirely their fault. After all, their partner were so in love with them and so charming and attentive in the beginning, it must be their fault that things have changed so drastically. On top of that, they are often dealing with financial difficulties, helping their children with ADHD, performing most of the household chores, and often working a full-time job.
For the most part, it's not the little ADHD'ish things that wear them down. They can live with those (mostly) once they understand their underpinnings, and they can work together on solutions. Rather, it's the big, teeth-rattling things that send them seeking a support group. Female and male members alike commiserate on the same issues, with a few variations. This following list of most-problematic "hot spots" - again, primarily found among those refusing diagnosis and treatment -- is not for the faint of heart. Perhaps only the most motivated and frustrated make it to a support group -- or maybe just those most certain that there's got to be a better way.
Financial: They wrestle with their partners' secret (and not so secret) debts, impulsive spending, chronic job losses or underemployment. They're called "anal" for insisting on filing with the IRS. They planned for a carefree retirement but instead face mountains of debt. Mention E-bay to them at your own risk; their closets are filled with their partner's impulsive and expensive online purchases.
Health: They manifest the effects of ADHD-induced stress and tumult in such disorders as fibromyalgia, migraines, chronic fatigue, and irritable-bowel disorder. Suddenly, it can seem that they are the burden to their partners instead of the other way around - an especially tricky scenario that many therapists don't understand. They grow more isolated and restricted in their daily activities.
Careers: Their careers often suffer, perhaps meaning they stay in jobs they hate because they can never afford to take a risk. Theirs is the sole, steady income. They often under-perform at work because they're constantly putting out fires created by their partners.
Children: An often-heard phrase is "We feel like single parents." They make all the decisions. They act as referee between their children and partner - doubly so if both have ADHD. Too often, they must deal with the authorities when their partner loses their temper. They often stay in toxic marriages because they know that "shared custody" would be disastrous. If their partner "loses track" of their toddler now, what will happen later? If their partner flies off the handle and smacks their adolescent now, what will happen when they're not around to intervene?
Support: Not much. Their families often see the charming "social" side of their partners and think they're exaggerating. Their closest friends commiserate but can't help them, other than to say "get out!" Their in-laws often are wrapped up in their own undiagnosed sagas, decades in the making. Much of the public, including the family doctor or their therapist, relegate adult AD/HD to tooth-fairy status: They don't believe in it.
Sex: They've experienced their partners turning off the sex spigot the day after marriage -- and then they find a way to blame it on them. If they would just do this, that, or the other, they're told, they would be sexually attractive again. They try, but none of it works. Or, they find they're expected to be their partners' sexual stimulant 24-7, with nothing in the way of romance or even foreplay. Some of them have enjoyed a good sex life prior to their partner's treatment, only to have that curtailed by medication side effects. Others feel little enthusiasm - and maybe even a tad incestuous - about having sex with someone who acts like their child.
Driving: They fear for their safety and that of their children. They pray for no more costly traffic-violations, or worse. Their insurance rates are already through the roof.
Self-Esteem: When they are consistently not valued or "seen," they slowly become invisible. Even to themselves. They're blamed for the sky being blue. They identify with Ingrid Bergman in the movie "Gaslight." They get beaten down.
Provocation to anger: They are eternally grateful for Dr. Amen for this subtitle in "Healing A.D.D.": "I bet I can get you to yell at me or hit me." They hate themselves when their anger overwhelms them - it's a new behavior for most of them -- and they hate that their partner keeps provoking them. They are bone-tired of fighting.
Getting Help: Many place trust in doctors and psychologists only to find their problems worsen due to their ignorance about ADHD. While their ADHD partners can conveniently forget the trauma that's transpired or place the blame at their feet - and therefore sit in a session looking so happy-go-lucky -- they are so traumatized, confused and depressed that, to the untrained eye, they often look like the cause of the relationship woes.
It often takes from 5 to 30 years before they gain a clue their partner's behavior comes with a name - and hope for change. By that time, much damage has been done.
Before they can move past the anger and hurt - helping everybody concerned -- they must understand the disorder. The mounds of books about ADHD, however, can't supplant real-life experience - though many partners read volumes of books seeking understanding. They can name all the sub-types and behaviors, but not until they hear exactly how those behaviors play out with others in their shoes does the fog start lifting.
New members often limp into the online support groups, utterly beleaguered and bedraggled or, at best, befuddled. Seldom bemused. Some dart back out again, citing no time for a group because they live with so many crises, not to mention high-needs children. Others need time to rant or grapple with the shocking fact that they've squandered years or maybe even decades to needless frustration. All for lack of information. Some come post-divorce, asking, "What was that train wreck that just happened?" Others conclude they're dealing with "ADD lite," count their blessings and exit.
Gradually, many who remain find clarity. They challenge each other to re-examine long-held expectations about gender roles, relationships, and their own core issues. They remind each other to detach a bit from the behavior and focus on themselves for a while. They encourage each other to help the partner find help. (You can't expect someone whose very disorder inhibits initiation to suddenly spring into action and find a qualified care-provider.)
Change happens. With each other's support,
--They find workable communication techniques and chore-sharing arrangements
--They learn to set better boundaries with partners whose life goal seems to be trampling on their boundaries.
--They learn to focus more on what makes them happy. They develop their own interests and activities to "charge their batteries."
--They gain confidence to insist on finding doctors and therapists who will work with them and accept their input not as "controlling" but as filling in the sizeable gaps usually left out by their partners.
--They develop and hold a vision for what can be because their partners often have lived so many years with what cannot be. If they're lucky, the partners to these people with ADHD learn valuable lessons about damaged egos - their own and their partner's -- and how to reach beyond them. And, they find the partner they always knew was there, underneath the noise. Their partner's ADHD has pushed them both to become better people, and their lives are richer for it.
Copyright Gina Pera, 2004
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)